I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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