No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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