3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
