I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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