just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
