DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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