i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
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