my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
