So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I AM VODKA MAN
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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