I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I deserve this hangover.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
