i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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