I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
