Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
