You made me cry and you don't even care
your room smells of hookers.
And success
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
