I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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