I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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