is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
