you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
