Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
