Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize