your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
