Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i love accidental penises.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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