Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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