Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
