My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
