no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
