I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
