her vagine was all disorganized.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
