my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
