I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
