Tell her she can't have a vagina
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
