also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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