your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
she woke up with a sticky ear
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
