you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
