What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
