I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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