I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
