yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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