Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize