The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
That accounts for only three of the penises
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
