I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Randomize
