Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
