I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
