okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
