Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
