You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Randomize
