im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
