I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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