I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
