so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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