dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
