if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize