the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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