He is such a slut. More and more my type.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
