I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
