When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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