i barfeds in our rink
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
we're so committed to being not committed
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
