When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
