shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Come see our sink grown plant.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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