like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
