youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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